Thoughts in Writing 9

Hello once again, or, hello to you,
I am pleased and honored that I have had more readers than I ever anticipated. I was (am) trying to convey thoughts that I have found floating through my mind while conscious or semi-conscious.
I am mostly bored with my present situation. I am between jobs, and have recently found out that my past has caught up with me. I have applied for a position with the municipal government and found that a simple misdemeanor has caused me to be disqualified.
How is that for irony? I was a low life gutter snipe and did many things that I am not proud of, and mostly ashamed of. But a simple arrest for a misdemeanor when I got clean and sober will hold me back. It goes to show me that what goes around comes around.
I am very well aware that I have caused many people hurt emotionally, financially, and physically. In my day, we ran in gangs and ran the way we wanted to. We knew the price to pay, and paid it when due. Some, like myself, were lucky to have family connections to keep us out of jail. But it seems that only added fuel to the fire, that I am unstoppable. Even have died twice did not make me change. (And by the way, there is a hereafter. The spirit lives on after the body had stopped breathing).
I find the boredom has led me to return to old ways of behaviour. I began to have a drink of the finer Single Barrel which I never had before, and later to light a joint up. That led to hash and making brownies. Regular consumption, for me, was to blow at least a joint in the afternoon and evening, and late evening, and early morning.
I love smoking reefer. It is the madness, I tell you.
I am not proud to say that I then had to have a taste of the dirty devil and its sister. All the while I was making pain medication runs to doctors and pharmacies.
I am now cut off from the doctors and am keeping my distance from the dirty dealers.
I am not saying that I would not like to try it again, but I must use my head and think of what my obligations are. If the boredom has taken hold of me, then I need to add something into my life. I guess by now you know I am not a 20+, 30+, youngster. If I was able to control my behaviour, I would not have a problem. But that is what all the addiction is about.
I am hoping that by posting this I will show the other side of the life. I cannot say I did not have fun in the 60's and 70's partying in clubs, discos, and crash pads. But I cannot recapture that time again. If I could, I am probably not able to keep up with it.
Again, thank you for your viewing. Please feel free to leave comments and remarks.